Everyday, when my boyfriend comes home from his fancy paying job, he asks me "What did you do today?" I usually respond with my usual "Job stuff," though on more interesting days I get to say "Laundry!"
Now that it's nearly again time for him to come home, it occurred to me that the average American is totally out of touch with what the unemployed actually do. I figured I would kindly describe my typical day, so that you may cast more informed judgements upon my lifestyle.
8:00am - 10:00am: Wake up. I am sure that you think 10:00am is far too late to be waking up but I know you're just experiencing a little envy and I won't hold it against you. This is the only good thing about being unemployed and I'm not going to let you guilt me into waking up earlier. That and jobs typically don't get posted until later anyway, so when I get online, there's not much to do to begin with.
Immediately after I wake up: Stumble into kitchen. Make coffee. Get newspaper. Save newspaper for later. Once my coffee is finished, I put it in a vessel so that I may take it to work with me. Then I'm off to my full-time job!
My long commute (I live in the DC Metro Region, after all!) is four steps from the kitchen to my desk. After I've checked my email, which is usually just coupons from retail giants offering me discounts on things I can't afford, it's off to craigslist! As I mentioned before, there's usually not much here this time of day so I quickly mosey on over to Indeed. I sip coffee while I apply to all of seven jobs (out of hundreds) that I'm qualified for.
At this point, it's generally about 11:45am, no matter what time I woke up. Wait, its only 11:45am? Are you kidding me? This day is dragging!
Around 11:50am, I get my Gilt Group email. I look at pretty clothes and then cry because I can't afford any of it. Disheartened by my relentless poverty, I return to the kitchen to finally eat breakfast. I always put off my breakfast because I'm much more interested in finding paying work than eating. The oatmeal I eat 99% of the time is warm, healthy and cheap and I return to my desk feeling satisfied and optimistic. I can do anything with a belly full of oatmeal! The Quaker commercials told me so!
The next hour passes with me scouring every job board imaginable. I leave craigslist open and refresh it every 20 minutes. I apply to anything I'm remotely qualified. I endure long, drawn-out applications and surveys that ask repetitive questions. I read articles that tell me how to find a job, how to ace interviews and how to not be so negative all the time. My back hurts.
At 1:00pm, Esther beings to pester me for lunch. She jumps on my desk, sits down next to me and stares. I pet her and tell her I'll feed her as soon as I'm finished with this application. She bites my arm.
After Esther is fed, usually between 1:15pm and 1:30pm, I will do one of two things:
1. Go to the gym. It's not like anyone is posting jobs anyway and no one seems to call me until after 3:00pm. Take shower once I'm done getting ripped.
2. Read the newspaper. It's not like anyone is posting jobs anyway and no one seems to call me until after 3:00pm. Take shower once I'm done learning.
By now, it's 2:30pm. Time to see if any new jobs were posted while I was away! Time to check my phone every five minutes to see if I somehow missed a phone call! Time to check my email every 30 seconds to see if maybe someone is contacting me or sending me further application details! Time to keep craigslist open and refresh it every 20 minutes! Time to browse Indeed and Simply Hired and Career Builder and DC Jobs and Monster (uh, maybe not Monster...) and SnagAJob and Washington Post online even they all post the same jobs! Hm, I don't seem to be finding much... maybe I should check again... Wait, did my phone just go off? No, I'm just hearing things. Maybe I got an email! No, just spam. Well, it couldn't hurt to refresh craigslist... oh, I just did that a minute ago. Crap! I just refreshed it again without even thinking!
3:30pm: Time to commence my 30 minutes of banging my head on my desk!
4:00pm: Did I eat lunch?
4:15pm: JOBS! SWEET JOBS! THEY'RE FINALLY POSTING JOBS!
4:30pm: Man, I put a lot of work into these applications! I'm sure to hear back tomorrow! Oh hey, Greg is home! Time to go the gym with him/continue applying to jobs until he comes back from the gym!
6:00pm: I love to cook dinner. Food is yummy. I'm starving because I didn't eat lunch because I was too busy looking for a job. I wish I could afford salmon but I guess beans are ok.
7:00pm - 11:00pm: Pick two or three of the following activities (sometimes all):
1. Watch tv!
2. Watch Netflix!
3. Play on the Internet!
4. Babble at Greg!
11:20pm: Now that Greg is in bed, I can watch some House Hunters. I don't even care if they're in France. Oh, but I should see if any jobs were posted while I was away from my desk, sometimes they post really late... Oh boy, they did!
12:00am: I have a crooked spine and hunching over my desk all the time isn't good for me. I've put enough work into finding work, I think I'll go relax before bedtime.
1:00am - 8:00am (or up through 10:00am): Sleeping. Has nightmares about spiders and tornadoes and monster-y things chasing me down.
And then it all repeats. Occasionally I get phone calls/emails from employers, occasionally I have interviews. Occasionally I sit in the bathtub and laugh and laugh and laugh.
